my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
