he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
this hospital has no fireball
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
