It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
we made out on top of his cat.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
