Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
