I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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