we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
