I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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