1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
