We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I believe in your delicious
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
