All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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