you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
