so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
