Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
