someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
