Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize
