why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Randomize
