I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
