weddingsv make me drug and hornr
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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