Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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