It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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