I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Randomize
