I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
how does that bad decision feel?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
