just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
