I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
