you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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