Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
