Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
