a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
