he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I understand Curling. That high.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
