so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
