I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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