my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
