If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
