I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
