tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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