You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
