I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
