I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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