I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize
