my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
