You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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