I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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