so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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