your parents love me but you hate me
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
