That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
True strength comes from lack of pants
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
