drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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