Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
