I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I still have a little drunk in my system
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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