and you said cock pushups were impossible
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
