So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
