I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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