Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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